Finishing up (or rather, not finishing up)

I thought I was going to move on Monday. I was packed up, but not finished, but it was okay. It's not like I'm never coming back to Maine again.

So, when I found out I had all the time I wanted to finish packing, I figured I'd get the job thoroughly, leave nothing behind, nothing unfinished, the house fairly clean, and have everything well organized. Moving didn't go as planned, but hey, it was an opportunity to do it right.

Wrong.

I can't seem to finish. Every room has dribs and drabs of things that need to be packed, sifted through, and organized. The rooms in this house that I'd used as huge walk-in closets are still in disarray. I can not seem to get it done. As each day goes by, I seem to be able to do less, and trying to do anything feels like trying to walk through a sea of blackstrap molasses.

It's not that it's a horrible task. It's just a chore. But, there's plenty of chores that I do that I don't like. What's up?

I'm guessing that I don't want to finish. My cat, whom I'm leaving behind, is sitting next to me right now, trying to get my attention, purring wildly. She's been like that all week. She knows.

I can not look around this house without thinking it's "my house." I can't envision that I'm moving away for good, that I'm not coming home again, that I'm not just spending a bit of time in Brooklyn and will be back, perhaps next winter, to a once spring-cleaned house. I can't imagine not spending the summer here, kayaking, watching Dick barbecue, seeing the return of the nesting grosbeaks and hummingbirds, chastising the cat for catching a chipmunk, enjoying the hot days and cool nights of Maine. . .

Right now I can't envision living elsewhere. I'm tired, so my enthusiasm level is way down. I've also realized that as the days has turned into weeks, days of not making anything, not being creative, I've lost my vision of the projects I've embarked on. I'll get it back, of course I will, but right now I've having a bit of trouble worrying that I won't.

Today, I wish the sun would come out and warm me up. I want the remaining tasks at hand to magically happen without my lifting a finger. Funny how in this rugged individualist society of ours, how I didn't until just now recognize my feelings as simply "needing some help."

Image note: Not one of my boxes looks as neat as these. They seem lovely to me.