My new lover pays for everything

No, I haven't a new lover. Nor do I have a new lover who pays for everything.

Someone googled those exact words and landed on my blog. Why? I have no clue, for I've never had a new lover who paid for everything nor can I imagine what I wrote that may have even touched on the subject.

I wonder if this unknown person has a new lover who indeed pays for everything and is thinking, "Is this okay?" Or maybe it's someone who wants a new lover who will pay for everything. After all, the answer to everything is on the Web, isn't it?

"How to get your new lover to pay for everything!" That's about as good a come-on as "how to lose 12 lbs without dieting". I tried that this summer and gained ten pounds.

I had a friend who dated a man who was wealthy and did indeed pay for everything. It was right out of "Pretty Woman", except that my friend wasn't a high class hooker gone good. This fellow bought my friend clothes, shoes, jewelry and dinner.

This was before e-mail, so I would get phone calls with inquiries like, "Is it okay that he took me out and bought over a thousand dollars worth of shoes yesterday?" What was I supposed to say? I wanted to say "Will he buy me a pair?" We both loved this little boutique in Soho that sold shoes that looked like they were made in the 1900's. I probably did say "will he buy me a pair", but he wouldn't have. The guy was a total jerk.

Actually, he was way more than a jerk. He started hitting her. He was a control freak. The clothes and shoes buying wasn't so much an act of generosity as a way of molding her. She was his Eliza Doolittle. This guy was a big player in the international banking business. He may have even owned a bank. I don't recall.

All I recall is that she was on the fence about whether to trade in going back to not having all that lovely stuff for autonomy and not being hit once in a while. The truth is, this is not a light story. Our friendship ended over this. I couldn't stand listening and I couldn't stand by while my friend was being abused. Nor could I make chitchat with him at dinner when I could see she was wearing concealer over a bruise on her face.

Stuff versus abuse. I can't imagine even thinking twice about that. But who knows? I've never been seduced in this way. So, I shouldn't judge. I did then. Now, I'm just sorry I lost that friendship (and I've googled her name many a time to no avail).

Image note: Peter Fox boots, still sold in a tiny shop in lower Manhattan. I actually own a pair of these, that I bought (with my own money) in 1985 or so. They have been re-soled twice. They are essentially in perfect shape, though the heels (which are thinner on my pair) are covered in leather and a bit beat up. They now cost 625 bucks! They were pricey back then, but not much more than any other decent pair of boots.