Dumb Survivor lists

Something TMC wrote about the show "Survivor" made me start writing these lists a week or so ago. I needed a new blog entry, feel overly serious tonight, and so, to remedy that, I present the following:

Ten reasons I can't be on Survivor
1. I'm a lousy swimmer.
2. I don't look good in a bathing suit.
3. My teeth aren't white enough.
4. Eating fish makes me want to throw up.
5. I don't know how to employ feminine wiles to bend men to my will.
6. I don't tan.
7. I don't know how to dive.
8. I'm not soppy enough. If given the choice "Would you rather read a letter from home or have a big meal and a spa treatment?", I'd go for the latter and wouldn't give it a second's thought.
9. There's something wrong with the Achilles tendon in my right foot.
10. They seem to like having peoples with tattoos, but some of my tattoos are just too scary for primetime TV.

Ten reasons why I'd be perfect (not this week) for the never-to-be-made Survivor: Northern Alaska (a show that won't happen because people would rather see mostly-naked bodies than folks in down jackets).
1. I know how to dress for the cold.
2. I know how to build and maintain a fire.
3. Don't mean to gross you vegetarians out, but I know how to butcher a deer.
4. I like the dark.
5. Being cooped up inside a small space doesn't bother me (which I presume we would be most of the time).
6. I could entertain the others with silly stories. After all, we wouldn't be doing all that much. They'd have to keep me around for that.
7. I know enough about dangerous cold and ice not to do something stupid (like pick up a kettle with my bare hands when it's -24 degrees).
8. I know there are lots of things one can do with snow.
9. I am good at making up games. Another reason to keep me around to stave off boredom.
10.I built an igloo when I was a kid. I guess that's more of #8, but I couldn't think of ten things.

Photo note: "Created entirely from ice and snow, igloo hotels cater to adventure-loving guests spending one or more nights. Overnight rates generally include thermal mats, sheepskin rugs and sleeping bags. Guests can weather the experience in winter clothing."